“Maturity starts where drama ends.”
I live with two teenagers and our house if filled with drama. I tease that when this stage of my life as a parent is over, I will have PDSD (Post Dramatic Stress Disorder).
But the ugly truth is I bring just as much drama to the table as they do. Not always out loud because I have learned how to contain or temper my drama so it is more palatable (or at least that is my story . . . and I’m sticking to it.) But clearly I can be just as dramatic as they can.
But let’s go back to teenagers for a minute.
Just exactly what is it that teens and tweens do that has adults rolling their eyes?
They . . . .
“If you have time to whine and complain about something, then you have time to do something about it.”
~Anthony J. D’Angelo
Have you ever had something happen that you are unhappy about? (Of course you have!) But then you tell your story over and over to anyone who will listen, reliving this horrible thing and perpetuating the cycle.
To begin the change process you have to begin by letting go of your stories.
One of the most helpful tips I’ve heard comes from Caroline Myss, spiritual healer and author. She encourages people to give a limited amount of air time to their stories. When I say stories here I’m referring to things that happen like. “I got cheated by that store clerk…again!” or “There goes another relationship…I seem to attract such losers.”
When negative things happen to us she recommends we share it with others three times then put it to rest. Tell “it” three times then LET IT GO.
Why is this so important?
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
― Anaïs Nin
I’ve been intrigued with Shitake mushroom for a while now.
Actually I’ve been intrigued about something I heard from a grower of these fungi. He told me that to make shitakes produce better fruit, you need to whack them with a stick.
It’s true, shitakes grown better when they are given a thump. They yield better when they are agitated and made uncomfortable! Isn’t that the coolest thing!
In truth . . . that’s what I do for my clients. I give my clients a big ole thump (or kick in the “but”) to get them moving.
Now Back to Mushrooms
“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
There are some things than must go down. They must DIE. Your negative stories about your self are those things. It is time to PULL THE PLUG on your Story!
Like…those shoulder pads or leg warmers or worn out socks. If you still have some in your drawer, let me be the first to tell you “Let them go already.”
So it is with our miserable old stories about ourselves.
We hold on to old beliefs like they were our last crumb of bread. When what we should do is toss them out like that molding container of “who knows what” in the back of the fridge.
Perhaps these ideas or stories were good ideas and served us well at some point (debatable…remember the Leisure Suit…polyester…really?) but we simply don’t need them anymore. Keeping them in your mental closet is bringing you down, man.
“But I’ve got plenty of space”, you say. Bull-Poop! You can’t afford to give your prime mental real estate to anything that is not serving your highest good!
Don’t think that I don’t know how hard it is to throw out old ideas. In fact, changing your mind can be one of the hardest things you will do. But it is worth the effort?
“Nothing happens until you decide.”
Why do we procrastinate? Why do we continuously put things off and stay snug as a bug in a rug in our comfy Velvet Rut? (Your Velvet Rut is that place of inaction that you tell yourself is comfortable but it really holds you back.)
Joseph Ferrari, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at De Paul University in Chicago has identified that there are 3 different kinds of procrastinators, each with a different motivation.
He said there are the Thrill Seekers, those who love the adrenaline rush they get by waiting to the last minute. It’s a sort of high that they crave.
“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.”
Dr. Robert Anthony
- “It’s not my fault.”
- “The down-turned economy has made it practically impossible to grow my business.”
- “My boss is just always on my back. She is watching over my shoulder and I can’t get anything done.”
- “My staff just will not take initiative. I can’t meet my goals for the department because they are not pulling their weight.”
We love to blame others. We easily see how other’s behaviors and circumstances are to blame for us not doing or having the outcomes that we want or need. We take ourselves off the hook by blaming others. But is playing the blame game really helping us?
No. It is hurting us. But how?
Peter Bregman, the author of 18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done and Point B: A Short Guide to Leading a Big Change Has some thoughts on this.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?
Disharmony is the lack of agreement. Imagine a band where everyone is playing a different song all at the same time. What a mess! Believe it or not, I’ve sat through some “music” like this and made me wish for some ear plugs and a margarita . . . stat!
Disharmony can sound pretty awful but what does it look like?
Discord, friction, strife, conflict, hostility, acrimony, bad blood, dissension, feuding, quarreling and more.
In contrast, harmony is when things are in agreement; like a well-rehearsed orchestra. It sounds delightful and can look even better. Listening to this kind of music makes you feel joy, exhilaration, or exuberance. It looks like:
Peacefulness, amity, amicability, friendship, fellowship, cooperation, understanding, consensus, unity, sympathy, rapport, like-mindedness and more.
Ok, which of these do you want in your life? More importantly, which do you have now?